"Am I supposed to do all these things it's telling me to do?"

About a week ago, they moved me to a different department at work, and changed my job description. I'm now officially supposed to do the things I've been doing for the past nine months — that is, 95% of what I do is not what I was originally hired to do. However, that still includes some pretty high-level tasks (enterprise-wide system administration, programming, upper-level support, and so on), but my pay hasn't changed; I'm still only being paid as a first-level hardware tech.

The Überboss promised me he'd put in the paperwork to bring me into the company itself (I'm currently working as a contractor) with a substantial raise, but he's now gone on vacation. He's very good at letting people know what he's done on their behalf, but he left without telling me that he had, in fact, submitted said paperwork. (He does, by the way, frequently voice his discontent with people who promise to do something and then fail to actually do it by the time they've said they'll do it — so hopefully he was just too busy to let me know.)

I've told my new immediate supervisor that I will not work indefinitely at this pay level, and he said if the company won't pay me what I'm worth, he'll write me as many glowing letters of recommendation as I need. (Though I've heard that before...) Starting Monday, I'll be beginning a countdown on my To Do whiteboard¹. If the promised employment-with-raise fails to materialize before the countdown reaches zero, I shall, with regret, terminate my association with the company. It will indeed be with regret, as I enjoy my job and most of the people I work with. But I don't think it's unreasonable to desire a salary commensurate with the work I'm expected to perform. All I ask is to be treated fairly.

And given that the Überboss frequently proclaims that he treats others the way he wants to be treated, I'm fairly hopeful that he will make good on his promise. After all, nobody wants to be taken advantage of...

1. Currently labeled "Things I'm not being paid enough to do".

I love computer rooms. Real ones, that is — suspended floors, huge air conditioners, racks upon racks of servers and tape drives... modern flat-panel LCD monitors coëxisting with ancient green-screen monitors and the inevitable enormous IBM 3290 plasma display with four terminal sessions blazing forth in orange glory. In every one I've been in, there's been a forlorn OS/2 box hidden in a corner, shoved aside by the Windows and *nix boxen.

I love the smell. The crisp, cold air smelling faintly of ozone and magtape never fails to take me right back to one of my first jobs, working as a third-shift security guard at the data center for one of the big insurance companies. (Total hell for a computer geek: a building full of computers — VAXen, even — except for the security room; look but most definitely do not play!)

For some reason, just being in such a computer room leaves me feeling happy for a while. I've no idea why.

I dislike talking on the telephone. Always have. In fact, I refused to get a cellphone; I don't necessarily want to be reachable all the time. Naturally, among the equipment I was issued for my job was a cellphone. It's certainly not just a fashion accessory — last month, I used 3092 minutes.

I've gone through two headsets in just a few months; even with the majority of the cord inside my shirt, I kept snagging on things. So this week I got a nifty Borg implant that works with non-Bluetooth phones. It's not quite as comfortable as the other two headsets, but I'm hoping that I'll eventually build up enough calluses that my ear's not throbbing at the end of the day.

But the worst part is the crappy ring tones. They're haunting me in my sleep. Naturally, this model of phone doesn't work with the Web services that let you upload your own ringtones for free, as opposed to paying the carrier $1.99 per ringtone, from their selection rather than anything I'd want. Very tempted to buy a data cable so I can do it myself.

Hillary Clinton, as most people have read by now, has raised a big fuss over the fact that Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas contains hidden content which, if you modify the game by downloading and installing a patch, displays a computer simulation of (gasp!) sexual activity!

Never mind the fact that the unmodified game lets you kill, dismember and otherwise maim people, not to mention robbing them and all sorts of other criminal activity — that's apparently perfectly acceptible behavior, not immmoral in the slightest. But we must think of the children; why, if they should happen to catch sight of a breast (even a computer-generated one), who knows to what depths of depravity they'll immediately sink?

Today, after a few minutes playing around with a demo for my graphics card, I discovered that the nVidia corporation ought to be worried as well. Changing two lines in a text file revealed a pair of nipples under a mermaid's strategically placed "scales" — quick, give the demo an Adults Only rating! Hold Congressional hearings! Throw out your GeForce video cards, lest a child see something every human being has!

Yet another day at the office. I see why sysadmins need a recovery group:

luser: My scanner doesn't work. I'm just getting blue lines.
me: Have you run the scanner reset utility?
luser: Yeah, I shut everything down and turned it back on again.
me: No, I mean did you run the program named Reset Scanner?
luser: Huh? No.
me: Okay, let's run it now.
luser: What am I supposed to do with it?
me: It'll give you instructions step by step; just follow those.
(time passes...)
luser: Okay, I ran it. I didn't unplug the scanner or do any of the other things it told me to do; I just hit "OK". Is that all right?

Honestly, when I used to lurk in the scary devil monastery before taking this job, I thought they were exaggerating how stupid their lusers were. Nobody could be that clueless, I thought. Oh, how wrong I was.

And this experience shows to me a fundamental flaw in our political process: a vote from someone that dumb counts exactly as much as a vote from the most brilliant genius alive. Maybe votes should be weighted by IQ score.

So here's a weird one.

See, in using a computer mouse, I've always rested the heel of my hand on the desk (or a wrist-rest), keeping it stationary while I pushed the mouse around with the tips of my thumb and pinky, keeping the tips of the three other fingers on the buttons and scroll wheel.

Recently, I switched to a basic optical mouse, as I was tired of cat hairs interfering with the smooth operation of the mouse ball. The optical mouse had a much slimmer profile than the old mechanical mouse, and over the last few days my hand has been hurting more and more after using it. So today I went out to get a more ergonomic mouse. After comparing comfort, features and prices, I ended up with a Logitech MX 1000. And it's really comfortable to use (as long as you're right-handed) and has lots of interesting, conveniently placed (if you're right-handed) buttons.

But the way it's shaped, I find I have to put my entire hand on it if I want to keep my fingers on the main buttons and scroll wheel, otherwise I have to move my fingers a lot to click and scroll. Which means moving the whole hand, which I find quite a bit less precise than moving it with my fingers — and the three inner fingers are lying across the buttons, rather than just touching them with the tips, otherwise my thumb's in the wrong place to use the side button, and it becomes much less comfortable. So it makes me wonder if I've been mousing wrong in a highly unorthodox fashion all these years (well, at least since got rid of the GlidePoint), or if ergonomic mice are designed to be used in a different way than regular bar-of-soap mice.

So how do you use a mouse?

...because if the NOAA warnings are right, it may not be there much longer.

UNPRECEDENTED STRENGTH... UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS... ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL... MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL... ALL WOOD FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED... ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT... PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK... WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS... DO NOT VENTURE OUTSIDE!

Maybe... maybe moving north so Karen can continue her schooling wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.