Dear U-Save Corporation:
Your grocery store up the street from my house is crowded and too noisy, and is filled with unpleasant odors. Seriously - the last time I went there, I changed check-out lanes to avoid one smell, and discovered that the person in front of me in the new lane smelled just as bad. Only a desperate need for soda pop will drive me to your place of business.
Dear Kobe Bryant:
I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that Nutella was indeed your "favorite spread" BEFORE they paid you for your endorsement. Come on, you know what lies do - they make Baby Jesus cry!
Dear Jay-Walker (not to be confused with "Dyn-O-Mite!" J.J. Walker):
Stupid people like you, who cross between the cars on a busy six-lane thoroughfare, deserve to get run over. Yet, strangely, the person hitting you would get a ticket. Would it really be that awful for you to walk up to the traffic light?Dear Road-Side Gray Market Sneaker Vendor:
Those shoes are ugly. I hope no one buys them.
