It has come to my attention that some hockey fans up north hate the Tampa Bay Lightning, just because it's never cold here. They're mad because the Stanley Cup is now too close to the Equator. It's unnatural, they cry.

Guys, you're forgetting that lots of people that live here are transplanted northerners! We cling to our unique, northern customs, like decorating our landscaping for Christmas (the lights look so much better with snow), and ice skating. We just have to skate inside now.

And if that superbly-crafted paragraph doesn't win you over, how about this: most of the players are Canadian.