1. Parents, if you must purchase a cookie jar that plays "Who Let the Dogs Out", could you please keep it out of the reach of your small children? I can't get that tune out of my head! Make it stop!Ahhhhh!

2. Okay, who pantsed the SpongeBob Squarepants figures? Isn't school in session yet, you miscreants? Thank gawd the manufacturers designed him with built-in tighty-whities.

3. Just exactly how many versions of "Best of Sting and The Police" CDs does the world need?

4. Very elderly people should not drive giant SUVs.

5. Target should never run out of those flavored Tootsie rolls. It's the only reason I ventured there today in the first place.