I'll Say She Is!
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Saturday, 20 December 2003
Anguished English

When engineers write advertising copy:

"Spanning your needs that go beyond simple equipment supply, [company name] can provide a value-added scope of supply."

"Request a brochure to discover how we can help you realize your power electrical projects."

Inspiring the sales staff:
"You know going out there hunting for something rather that waiting on the porch hoping that 10-point strolls by."

Posted by ginevra (link)
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Comments
As an Engineer myself, I protest this posting.

That and I can't see what's wrong with 2 out of the three. (but at least I can admitt it)
Posted by Jen Lemus on 21 Dec 2003 21:01
#1 is really ham-handed - it's awkward and ponderous. It's the character Strong Mad from Homestar Runner.

#2 - it's mostly okay, but "power electrical projects" is just goofy.

#3 - it's missing a key element. (Note that it was written by management, not an engineer per se.)

Don't get me wrong, I actually like the engineers with whom I work. One of my job duties is to help them be better writers. These examples happened to all come in on the same day, and I found them amusing.
Posted by Ginevra on 21 Dec 2003 21:14
AUGUGHGGHGHGHGGH! The jargon! It burns!
Posted by PeacockHarpy on 21 Dec 2003 21:14