Karen:

Do not ever eat at Burger King again. You thought you could go back to eating there after a hiatus of a year and a half, didn't you? Crazy girl. Even if you think you really, really need a cheeseburger fix, do not go there. Yes, they're the only fast food restaurant close by your office, and yes, the siren song of a 99-cent value menu is tempting when your wallet's light. DON'T DO IT. And especially please do not EVER plop down the extra 99 cents for the onion rings. REPEAT: NEVER EAT THOSE ONION RINGS AGAIN, EVER.

Sorry, but this is the way it must be. Now you're down to two fast-food burger joints, Wendy's and McDonald's. The only reason McDonald's can stay on the list is because they're the only bastards that salt their fries. (Damn tasty McDonald's fries.) But I digress. No more Burger King.

Thank you in advance,

your digestive system