Jen, over at the Very Big Blog, has a post of Spam poetry. I have been collecting similar entries coming into my mailbox recently, and present them here for you. I don't know if these are exactly poetry. Maybe beatnik poetry?
Stillbirth carbologyOh, I got an e-mail that I opened because I thought it might actually be intended for me - "Akron Hairdo".
P.S. - I saw Janet Jackson's boobie!
I drove past a Dairy Queen this afternoon, and the sign said that the featured Blizzard of the month was...
puckerberry.
I'm not making this up - I wish I was.
I'm sorry, but the word "pucker" should not be in the name of a food item. This lack of judgement on the part of DQ is precisely why I have not dined there in quite some time.
I'm not sure why corporations think that the good will of employees may be easily bought with cheap pizza.
This week there are at least three meetings I have to attend at The Gray Fortress. Possibly four. Three of them apparently call for us to attend them through lunch. [grumble]
They better at least have Hawaiian.
It's not poetry - these spam headers are actually incantations, a la Harry Potter:
belshazzar box pea begotten
rumford bitch milch knobby leggy
bindery gerard greenware catastrophic elate
fulcrum arrive!
Further research may reveal what these incantations accomplish. Stay tuned.
Normally, I don't get severe, undeniable, "must have it NOW" cravings for chocolate. Until recently, that is. I blame the Citadel of Despair.
Therefore, I will be accepting donations of Lindt truffles of all varieties - not just my usual white chocolate favorite. Hazelnut, dark chocolate, amaretto, "normal" chocolate, mint - all will be accepted.
Thanks in advance.
Oddly enough, a dry, flavorless, limp sandwich from a local hole-in-the-wall deli, along with bowls of gloppy, semi-congealed pasta and potato salad, does not make up for the indignity of having to work through one's lunch break to attend a dull, tedious, stupid meeting.
If you get that "Word of Mouth" e-mail about someone wanting information about you, don't click on the link. It's another scam.
What bothers me is that I got that particular e-mail in the mailbox I reserve for correspondence of an educational or vocational nature, so I'm not sure how those spamming bastards got that address.
As discussed before, all spammers should be punished with some vile, clever punishment that at this time of day I can't come up with. Please leave your punishment suggestion in the comments.
I have been stalking this van for a photo op. I saw it a few weeks ago, parked on the side of the causeway on my way home from work - after shooting all my film at lunch. Curse the luck! The third time was the charm; that is, the third time I saw it parked in the same place.
I totally expected the van driver to be out distributing tracts, but instead, he (?) remained in the driver's seat, reading a well-highlighted Bible.
Later, we spotted this van in the parking lot of the Golden Corral.
As you can see, I continue to be enamored by trees and branches. I need to learn how to boost the contrast while I'm taking the picture. Though there is no shame in fixing photos in Photoshop.
Wow, more vines, who saw this coming?
This used to be real estate
Now it's only fields and trees
Where, where is the town
Now, it's nothing but flowers...
Once there were parking lots
Now it's a peaceful oasis
you got it, you got it
This was a Pizza Hut
Now it's all covered with daisies
you got it, you got it...
And as things fell apart
Nobody paid much attention
you got it, you got it...
(Look, still more vines! I can't believe it!) I'm actually happy with this series of shots I took, I love the red vine sneaking in there.
I dream of cherry pies,
Don't leave me stranded here
I can't get used to this lifestyle
Thank gawd Congress was so upset by Janet Jackson's boob that they have at last decided to act. [/sarcasm] It's okay that there's all sorts of graphic violence on TV, but a glimpse of one titty and it's hello, Inquisition.
You know what needs to be regulated on the television? You know what the real problem is?
Advertisements for feminine products.
Yes, I'm proud of my body and think biology is wonderful, yadda, yadda, yadda. Look, neither I nor my fellow women out there need to be reminded about those sorts of things, especially while we're watching TV. And I'm pretty sure most guys will agree with me on this one. There's no call for that.
So let's forget about pursuing nudity and root out what really needs to never be on TV. Let's ban ads for "feminine protection" today. Write your elected officials!
And another thing: television programs should NEVER be able to show surgery without a warning beforehand. "Coming up next - today's weather, plus we'll show you elective eye surgery, starting with this graphic, icky close-up while we go to a commercial! Enjoy your corn flakes!"
A spoon really is the utensil of choice when eating pudding.
(Swiped from a Live Journal buddy)
A plastic knife is adequate for consuming pudding, though you have to watch out for the slightly serrated edges there.
The challenge - compose a poem with the subject lines from e-mails that arrived in my webmaster address. I only added punctuation, articles and conjunctions.
The Electro
Chic Parkinson, take your chance!
Get a stiff Cheyenne, boggle Ellsworth.
Pencil dick? Nope...but
Bedevil Jingle Brazil,
Perky geopolitic -
Breed, intimidate!
The ironside counterclockwise
Where?
Seductive, awash with
Detriment embeddable - gratuitous.
The fox a redneck, buckboard.
To mix things up a little, today I have a spoon - but no pudding.
I'm very sad - Chris Thomas, my favorite sportscaster, passed away yesterday. (Read the St. Pete Times article on Chris here.)
To call him a sports reporter vastly understates what he was. He was entertaining, smart, clever, had a great array of sound effects, and loved a good fart joke. He had a great laugh, and he made me laugh too. I think I would have listened to his program even if I wasn't a sports fan.
He was brilliant on television - every morning I would watch his taped sports report, and he always did something wacky. They'd hit him with a plastic hammer, or stick a vacuum cleaner tube into the frame and vacuum his hair - hilarious. When the Browns were stolen from Baltimore, I heard him report the story, and even though I was devastated at the news, he made me feel better as he bashed the NFL for allowing that sort of thing to happen. I was so pissed when they didn't renew his TV contract!
Later, on 9/11, I listened to his radio program, and he comforted all of us. He could be tough, too - when Tony Dungy was fired by the Bucs, he asked the Glaziers point-blank - "You mean to tell me you just fired the man who took you to the NFC championship, and you haven't even thought about who to replace him with?" He always called the stadium where the Bucs play "Community Investment Tax Stadium".
He introduced the word "flumoxicated" and the phrase "rat bastards" into my vocabulary. He always ended his show by saying, "Tell someone you love, 'I love you'", and that's stuck with me.
I knew he must not be well as he hasn't been on the radio for several weeks, so I can't say I was totally surprised. But I am depressed. I listened to him every day, even if it was only for a few minutes. It may sound corny, since I never met the guy - but I felt a kind of connection with him. At least the TV station that let him go did a great story on him, complete with footage of him dancing with a flamenco troupe while wearing a Carmen Miranda-type outfit. Again, simply brilliant.
Goodbye, "Mediocre Sports Hunk".
Character does matter. There is a difference between being assertive and confident, and being inconsiderate, rude, and big-headed.
If my opinion is sought, I will give it. If you don't agree with my opinion, don't tell me I'm wrong! If you don't really want to hear a differing opinion, why ask for it?
Normally I don't enjoy bitching about health problems here as it usually makes for boring reading. It's six in the morning and the cats don't care, so I'm going to tell all of you that my TMJ woes are causing immense pain in my head right now. I guess because it's raining. So now I'm like people with weird messed up knees - "Must be fixin' ta rain, my kneecap hurts!" Except my messed up knee is in my skull. Super.
Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.
sure, if by "good with engineering and technology" they mean "work with engineers and like wasting time on the Internet".
Kids' TV show "Rainbow" has a segment that's incredibly hilarious to dirty-minded people such as myself. The alert Jen of Very Big Blog fame found this. Worksafe? Not if your boss has a dirty mind, I suppose.
I've been feeling really off lately - depressed, negative, not well, lacking energy - and I need to do something about it. So I was thinking, why not start wearing nicotine patches? That way I won't smell like a smoker, but I'll get all the positive benefits of nicotine!
I think this is one of my better ideas, but Godfrey doesn't seem to think so. He hasn't said anything to dissuade me yet, so I may be picking up a box of these little gems this weekend.
Re: Shagging
Dear Bulkhead,
Did you hear?
No need to cross the border
The dream date is here
(bookseller footmen ibid)
Row of ladies
Their excitement grows
They pavanne the length and width of your love tool
Please accept her invitation
Now is the time to relax
Cowbird called at random
Buzzard the only way to be free
Chloroform religious
Obtrude bacterial
Out and after
Hirsute Bradley Buckshot
Infernal Apollonian!
Aerobic Andean!
Help me help you
What's the big secret here?
Perspective job
Multiply drudgery
Kissing with horse
Shinto cereal
The cerebellum hadn't forgiven
Not today
Kropotkin Street then?
So it means Ginsburg can
Appreciate the idyll
Serendipidy, gladden, gladdy!
Your dose of found poetry.
(Copyright 2004 me! Ginevra!)
