Finally broke down and bought a cablemodem router, which is good for a number of reasons. I bought a wireless one, as well as a wireless NIC to put into the MAME machine, so I can update it from the den without having to lug it in and physically hook it up to the network. Karen is worried about hordes of hackers stalking the streets with Pringles cans, so the first thing I did was to set up maximum security on the router, which (naturally) is shipped in a completely unsecure state.
On an unrelated note, after tweaking the registry a bit, I finally got Alcohol 120% running properly. It's a great program; among other things, it lets me copy CDs onto "virtual drives" stored on my hard drive, and it emulates their copy-protection. This means I don't have to stick the CD in whenever I want to use a certain application, which will make using it a whole lot more pleasant.