Three things that scare me
1. The thought of losing my sight or hearing.
2. This country's increasing jingoism.
3. The lettuce crisper drawer in my fridge.

Three things I don't understand
1. Bigotry.
2. Physics.
3. America's pathological fear of the Metric System.

Three things I'd like to learn
1. How to play the violin.
2. Several foreign languages.
3. The winning PowerBall numbers for the next fifty years. In advance, obviously.

Three things I am wearing right now
1. Black shirt.
2. Wedding ring.
3. A pair of red/blue 3D glasses, just so I'd have one weird answer for this question.

Three things on my desk
1. A bottle of Trinidad extra-hot habañero pepper sauce.
2. The Handbook of Wood Engraving.
3. A plastic jar labeled "Wind Breaker".

Three things I want to do before I die
1. Publish a novel.
2. Get a computer interface brain implant.
3. Learn how to avoid dying.

Three ways to describe my personality
1. Weird.
2. Mercurial.
3. Fluffy Puff Marshmallows.

Three bad things about my personality
1. Obsessive.
2. Highly self-critical.
3. Unable to conceal contempt for idiots.

Three parts of my heritage
1. Scottish.
2. English.
3. German.

Three things I like about my body
1. My eyes change color from brown to green, depending on my mood.
2. I have no reason to read any Viagra or "lengthening" spam.
3. My 23rd pair of chromosomes protects me from ever having to endure the experience of childbirth.

Three things I don't like about my body
1. It requires more sleep than it used to.
2. My stomach no longer permits me to eat spicy food.
3. Thanks to my genetic heritage, I should be able to grow a full beard about the time I die of old age.

Three things most people don't know about me
1. I tend to think in concepts rather than words.
2. My saliva stops mosquito bites from itching.
3. I was born a poor black child.

Three things I say the most
1. No problem.
2. D'oh!
3. Yes, dear.

Three places I want to go
1. England (again).
2. Antarctica.
3. Another planet.

Three names that I go by
1. Jeff.
2. Godfrey.
3. Mister Pointy. (Well, I don't really go by that name; it's one of Karen's nicknames for me.)

Three AOL screen names I have or had
I have never had an AOL screen name.

Am I going to have to make it a threesome and answer these questions too? I mean, you, me and Karen all share the same address, like Three's Company.

Heh heh. Threesome. Well, okay, but I'm not pretending to be gay when Mr. Roper comes snooping around.

I'll buy you a beer at the Regal Beagle!