Singing Potatoes
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Monday, 24 February 2003
Bollywood is out of ideas, too

This afternoon, I popped by the Indian restaurant on my block for some papadams. They asked me to take a seat at the bar while they made some fresh ones for me; since papadams are much better when they're piping hot, I certainly didn't argue.

As I waited, I watched the sitcom that was playing on the TV. I couldn't understand a word of it, but it seemed awfully familiar. When I first started watching, it showed a man and a woman talking; the man seemed upset about something. He was wearing a ridiculous 70s-porn moustache and a weird outfit, but soon the woman made a gesture and he turned into a nebbishy office worker. He left and went to his desk, where another man — his boss, I presume — arrived and began berating him for something. Cutting back to the woman, another woman appeared and started speaking in a disapproving tone of voice; the first woman referred to her as "Mama" (though they only looked a few years apart) and spoke defensively.

"This has to be the Indian version of Bewitched," I thought to myself. Lo and behold, it is. The male protagonist even works at an ad agency, just like Darren Stevens.

Posted by godfrey (link)
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Comments
LISTER
Wiped out..? Kryten, man, they *can't* be...

KRYTEN
I'm afraid so, sir. The laser cannon breached the main watertank and flooded supply deck B. They didn't stand a chance.

LISTER
Yeah, but surely --

KRYTEN
There was *nothing* we could do to save them, sir.

LISTER
So, now we've got no poppadoms at all?

KRYTEN
No poppadoms, no curries, all the Indian food supplies have been totaled.



LISTER
I'll have to survive without them then... I'll have salads.

KRYTEN
Sir! You're in shock, you don't know what you're saying.

LISTER
After all it's only curry.

KRYTEN
'Only curry'? The enormity of it hasn't sunk in - you must mourn, sir. Don't you see? You must mourn.

LISTER
Curries...

KRYTEN
Ohhhh sirr, get it out! Cry like a baby!

LISTER
What am I gonna do? Curry night was the one little beacon I had... made me feel like a normal ordinary guy, not some sad freak stuck in deep space; no woman, no hope, no curry.

KRYTEN
Worse still, a choice of only two alcoholic beverages: Cinzano Bianco, or advocat. Its a human tragedy!

LISTER
No lager??

KRYTEN
Sir, there is nothing unmanly in howling like a hungry prairie dog.

LISTER
No lager!?

KRYTEN
*All* the supplies on B-deck were destroyed, sir. There wasn't even any wreckage, no debris, zip.

LISTER
God... a few beers and a curry, it was the highlight of my week!

KRYTEN
I used to look forward to curry night too, sir. seeing your little face all happy and smiling, come rain or shine we'd always make time for curry night. Every Friday.

LISTER
Saturday.

KRYTEN
Sunday.

LISTER
Tuesday.

KRYTEN
Wednesday.

LISTER
Thursday. Always the same meal: three poppadoms with mango chutney -

KRYTEN
Those little onions -

LISTER
Dill pickle -

KRYTEN
That day-glow green mint sauce that just doesn't wash out -

LISTER
The red stuff that no-one knows what it is -

KRYTEN
Then a shami kebab starter -

LISTER
Followed by a chicken vindaloo, kamikaze hot, with a fire extinguisher on stand-by.

KRYTEN
And two scoops of kofi ice-cream.

LISTER
And two indigestion tablets.
Life without curry? Its like Laurel without Hardy; the Lone Ranger without... that Indian bloke.

KRYTEN
Perhaps, you could learn to love... pasta?

LISTER
Pasta. You sick?

Posted by Darren on 24 Feb 2003 13:36
Ohh! When shall we go for Indian foods again?
A night of Ballywood would be quite entetaining!
Yum! Sid
Posted by Sid on 25 Feb 2003 06:09