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In an attempt to prevent Dennis Erlich (a former member and outspoken critic) from participating in a picket in Clearwater, Scientology officials went to court and asked for a Temporary Restraining Order prohibiting him from coming near Scientology properties; the reason, they said, was that they feared Dennis would become violent.

Well, I've met Dennis. He doesn't strike me as being the violent type (no pun intended). So when a Scientologist on alt.religion.scientology posted his list of top ten reasons some critics didn't participate in a worldwide picket, I responded with:

• 10.) OSA top brass wanted a good excuse to go to Disney World.
  
  
• 9.) They thought they were giving him TR Zero.
  
  
• 8.) Brian Anderson wanted to keep him away from the Fort Harrison so the news cameras wouldn't get a good shot of the basement windows.
  
  
• 7.) Worried that nubile young Sea Org chicks would be tempted by Dennis.
  
  
• 6.) Just wanted to see a whole group of SP's measuring out fifty yards from the Fort Harrison the night before.
  
  
• 5.) Couldn't think of anything really effective to do, so just used the first idea that mentioned lawyers.
  
  
• 4.) Wanted to see if Andrew Milne could tell the difference between yards and feet.
  
  
• 3.) Mary Story just wanted to brag about how many properties the Church of Scientology owns in Clearwater.
  
  
• 2.) Two words: Foot Bullet.

• 1.) Worried Dennis really would wear his bathrobe.

• 10.) Although church officials tried to pass off the international protest as nothing more than an insignificant group of malcontents, they had to fly at least half a dozen of their top OSA (Office of Special Affairs) personnel to Clearwater, Florida, the site of the main demonstration, to deal with the press.
  
  
  
• 9.) TR0, or Training Routine Zero, is an extremely common Scientology ritual. It involves staring into another person's eyes without moving, for up to two hours at a time. A TRO, on the other hand, is a Temporary Restraining Order.
  
  
  
• 8.) During a radio show on WMNF on 7 March 1996, Brian Anderson (the Director of Special Affairs for the Flag Service Organization in Clearwater) phoned in to rebut the accusations which critics had made on the air. One thing which had been mentioned was that Dennis Erlich, a former member of the church, had been locked in the basement of the church-owned Fort Harrison Hotel for ten days. Anderson became so flustered when he couldn't apply the church's standard PR policies properly that he stated that there was no basement in the hotel.
  
  A blueprint of the building, obtained from the county planning commission, clearly shows a basement.
  
  
  
• 7.) Well, after all, the biggest temptation is that which is forbidden.
  
  
  
• 6.) Because the TRO ordered that Dennis not be allowed to come within fifty yards of several Scientology properties, some of the critics (considered to be Suppressive Persons, or enemies, by the church) went to the picket site the night before the protest, to measure the proscribed areas.
  
  One of the critics required lavatory facilities, so he entered the Fort Harrison Hotel and used the Scientologists' lavatory.
  
  
  
• 5.) "Scientology" and "lawyers" are two words which seem inextricably linked.
  
  
  
• 4.) After the protest, Andrew Milne, who posts the official Scientology press releases on alt.religion.scientology, bragged that Erlich was forbidden to come within 150 yards of church property.
  
  The TRO actually specified 50 yards, which is 150 feet.
  
  
  
• 3.) The TRO listed nine Scientology properties. The fact that some of those properties were owned by the church was not known by many of the critics prior to the order. Mary Story was the woman who filed the request for the TRO, claiming that Erlich -- who had never met her, to his knowledge -- was a dangerous person and that she would suffer irreparable harm should the TRO be denied.
  
  
  
• 2.) Because the Scientologists seem to shoot themselves in the foot (figuratively speaking) so frequently, critics on alt.religion.scientology have made jokes about a hypothetical OSA plan called Operation Foot Bullet.
  
  
  
  
• 1.) OSA kept Dennis Erlich under surveillance for quite some time. Although they were probably hoping for some really juicy dirt with which to discredit Dennis on alt.religion.scientology, about all they had to report was that Dennis sometimes lounges about his house in an old blue bathrobe. Dennis threatened to wear it to the demonstration.
  
  This line, incidentally, came from another top-ten list written by MikeSmith3@aol.com (presumably a Scientologist), which listed his version of critics' "top ten reasons for missing the worldwide picket". His number one reason -- the bathrobe -- was so funny that it just had to be repeated.
  
  Although I asked for his permission to reproduce his original list here, he did not respond.